Those quotes you pulled from Lisa’s books crack me up.
Since she needs to be a lot more appreciated, here are links to some of her Nerve articles. Everyone should read them all immediately:
“I Was a Teenage Prostitute. And it was kind of great.” “I’ve wanted to be a prostitute for as long as I can remember. I’ve wanted to be Rhett’s warm, wisecracking prostitute friend in Gone With The Wind, not Scarlett — she had better makeup, velvety-er clothes. Prostitutes fight with all the girls who don’t enter their little gang, their faction (and the prostitutes always win!), and they make cold, sad men come alive.”
“Some of My Best Friends are Sensualists.” “Oh lord, protect me and my kind from the long-haired man and his slithery ways! Dangling hair in their faces, dangling pauses in their speech (to show how meaningful they are), dangling promises (threats) of future love, strange hands and arms dangling allover me. They’re big danglers, those sensualists.”
“All About My Mother: She loved me way too much.” This is just the saddest, most insightful, scariest thing ever about an abusive mother-daughter relationship.
“Goodbye, Columbus: Drinking and dreaming in Ohio.” Opening line: “Sex with drunks, in general, is not good sex.”
“Soap Box: Lisa Carver, John Darnielle, and Neal Medlyn on Days of Our Lives.” This was probably my favorite thing to edit, ever. Three of my favorite people talking about their mutual obsession with the soap opera Days. “Lisa: I watched it today for the first time in a long time. The drama! The glamour! Just none of that gray dingy grunge of reality programming and indie rock . . . no grit, no messy, sad reality. The bad is really bad. It’s operatic. And it comes packaged with ominous background music and full-face makeup, even on the men. I don’t feel embarrassed exploring postmodernist themes when the people mouthing and living these grandiose sentiments look so wild.”