Vajazzling is Not for 90swomen

I totally used to wear this kind of glitter gel in the middle of the day.

Omg, Ada, I would have gone back to school years ago if any magazine I ever worked for even suggested I do this.

Though I have a real soft spot for 70s-style cunt art by Hannah Wilke and Judy Chicago—maybe because I have a real soft spot for it—I am really not feeling this trend. In my estimation, vajazzling = spa desperate to create a trend in order to make money + editor desperate to cover something new in order to make money. Then multiply. This recession sucks.

When I was an editor, beauty companies’ attempts to get me to cover similar goods and services made for some amusing times. Like when a male Vagisil publicist picked me up at my Conde Nast office and spent a 20 minute drive downtown telling me about the company’s new products to help clear up the look of some condition he called, over and over and over and over, “vaginal chafing.” Then he dropped me off at the super-fancy lingerie store Agent Provocateur with a $300 gift certificate. I have to admit: All of that chafing talk made it a little hard for me to focus on buying sexy lingerie. But I’m a stoic, so I managed.

Still, even free lingerie isn’t enough to make me to go back to those times, in which it was almost normal to receive a press release like the one with the title “Say Bye-Bye to Big Boobs.” It announced, “Big, voluptuous breasts are symbols of the excessive 80s and 90s. Smaller, more youthful breasts with protruding nipples appear to be the new beauty statement of our more realistic, down-to-earth world.” Oh, yeah, I got this right after 9/11. From an aesthetic plastic surgeon named—wait for it—Dr. Grossman.

Poetic! Do you feel upset that you and I are both apparently symbolic of the excessive 90s? At least we match our blog.

Anyway, I’m with Neal on vajazzling. (So, apparently, are the guys that Doree knows.) I’m all for women doing fun things with their bodies but I personally think that sparkly stuff looks best on other body parts, like eyelids.

Though do you remember that glitter body gel that everyone used to wear in the 90s? I was So Into That. I need an excuse to bring that back. Maybe it matches our costumes for EMP?

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5 Comments

Filed under Kara

5 responses to “Vajazzling is Not for 90swomen

  1. GLITTER GEL!!!!!! I used to wear a lot of that stuff. Can I go back to those days? Probably not at home, as Neal would not like me getting glitter all over the house. But in Seattle? At a hotel? Hell yes.

    Also, I believe you just subtly bragged that you and I both are stacked. Big boobs = 90s! Stealth = 90s! Subtle bragging that masquerades as “I’m just not modern enough” self-deprecation = 90s trifecta! – Ada

  2. subtle bragging is SO 90s. im glad i could do a performative enactment of it on this blog. HOWEVER. i was super-bummed in the 90s because there i was, child of the 80s, all psyched for C cups AT LEAST. and then that happened, but then the 90s happened, and it was all kate moss and flat chests all the time. i felt cheated! like i never got to enjoy the adolescence that was promised to me by seventeen magazine! i am now committed to doing everything in my power to thwart the dr. grossmans of the world. ESPECIALLY if it involves 90s-style subtle bragging. the end.–kara

  3. jarant

    I think I’m a little younger than most of the bloggers at 90swoman. So while I witnessed all the 90’s trends, I didn’t always have agency (ie job or driver’s license) to participate in them. But I was ALL OVER glitter gel. I had no idea how to apply regular cosmetics, let alone glittery cosmetics, so my “artistic application” usually left me with a face uniformly covered (“just ONE MORE dab over HERE” = famous last words.) I went to a dance recital once, because I had a huge crush on the male principle. So, of course, I completely painted my face in glitter. I’m pretty sure he could see me from the stage. In the dark. Did not help my “sexy and mature” cred AT ALL.

  4. feminist

    sorry: i meant “feminist artist’s”

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